Readings for May 28
Hers:
The moon links up with loveplanet Venus, making you extra sentimental for the next couple days. If all you wanted was somebody who cared, your time to find that person has come. Keep your arms wide open.
All I did want was somebody who cared. That is exactly how I have always worded it to, exactly. I think I said that just the other day. Only now, now I don't seem to care as much. I realized that that is not what will make or break my life. I am happy with myself, and all that I have.
Uhhhhhh yeah. Hmmmm yeaaaaaaaaah. I also always said that I needed to be happy with myself before I could really care about or think about getting involved with anyone. At the time it always seemed like something I was not capable of doing. Now I am happy with me, I don't feel I need a guy, and I'm honestly not looking. Just funny how when I wanted a guy so bad I was held down, but now that I am freed, I don't feel the strong desire for a guy. I guess it makes sense though, that goes with the additude.
Also ironic that I talked to Derek the other night. If I do hang out with him tomorrow, that would be just too ironic. He probably has a girlfriend though, I don't know, I don't talk to him that much. Eh, I don't really care. That is his life. All I was looking for was someone to talk to on tuesday night, if Robin had been on longer I would have talked to her.
Hah, it would be really weird if I did hang out with Derek. Thinking about it, we have never, really, hung out intentionaly. We tried, all two years ago, but timing never worked out cus I was damn busy, and my mom had this thing about telling her about my plans two days in advance, and he worked.
I sat with him and Matt Post and that other kid at that basketball game! lol Amanda was a cheerleader that year, and we were friends then. So I said that I would go to one of her games. I was going to go to this game one Friday. I kinda forgot the whole I was going to be sitting there alone cus I had no one to go with me thing until the day of. By then it was too late to back out, but I still complained about having to sit alone and be bored. So Matt called me that night, and said that he and Derek were going to the game, and asked if I wanted to go. Well I was going to say no like I had the other two times that week that he had called to ask the same damn thing. Only I was going, and I knew that they would go if I went or not, and would see me, and I didn't want to lie to them. So I said that I was going, he asked who with, I said no one, so he said I should sit with them, and I agreed to.
One of my parents dropped me off that night. I got there at the end of the j.v. game, so I went to the bathroom to see how I looked and put on lip gloss (my obsession with that stuff sure has calmed down). When I left the bathroom I saw Derek, he was standing in front of me (kinda weird how I could always recognize him easier from behind) so I walked kinda slow, I didn't want him to see me. Well he and Matt went and got seats in the bleachers as I hid. Amanda saw me and came over to talk to me. She told me that Derek was there, and told me I should go over and sit with him. I didn't want to, I was so fucking scared! Eventualy they saw me and waved, and I went and sat with them. The three of them were sitting on the top row of the bleachers, so I sat in the space between that row and the next row down (cus that is how I like to sit, and I didn't want to sit next to Derek, lol I didn't want him to get the wrong impression, I was a little afraid that he might like me like everyone said he did). Nothing too much happened at the game. lol Kristin came and sat with me later on. The three guys were stomping a lot, lol Kristin and I were convinced that they were going to break the bleachers.
I went back to Amanda's house after the game with her and her sister. We sat at their kitchen counter and ate ice cream until Derek and Matt got back from dropping of that other guy. I have this memory of Derek walking into the house, and me standing near the door, and just the way that he looked up at me when he came in, that was when I knew that I liked him. Until then I didn't think that I did, and got super pissed when people told me that I did. MMMM we watched Holy Grail, and I remember purposefuly sitting on a different coach then he did, once again because I was scared out of my mind. Jenn was going to fast forward through the credits, but we yelled at her and told her that they are just as funny as the rest of the movie. heheh with the llamas and mooses. I was going to see the end, cus my dad was supposed to pick me up at 10:30. Heh Derek said that I should call home and get them to pick me up later, but I said that that wouldn't work with my mom. So he said that he would call for me, and he would cry, lol cus that would convince her. Ohhhhhh he was jus too cute.
Talking about Matt calling me before the game reminded me of another phone convo I had with him, I don't remember if it was that night or later, oh yeah, definately later. Heh I was talking to Derek, and he said that Matt was there. So I talked to Matt and he asked if I liked Derek, I think I lied and said no, I did like him by then. Then Derek got back on and asked if I liked Matt, and I said no, which was the truth.
Yeah, I don't like Derek in the way that I used to. I have come to realize that those feelings are based on what happened over two years ago, things change in two years, people change in two years. I had been wanting something that could no longer exist, cus we had both changed. lol but that doesn't mean that I can't keep remembering!
I still remember the first time he called me, it was during the half time show of the super bowl. I was watching, and then he called and I picked up the phone, and he was all like "Do you know who this is?" lmao he said that almost every time he called too, I didn't know who he was then though, and I told him so. He told me that it was Derek, and it still took me a second before I remembered that I had kinda met a guy with that name. lol I had seen him the night before at Amanda's house, and Matt had told me that Derek thought I was hot and "wanted" me. I thought it was just some dumb joke, and was pissed for a little while, but forgot about him by the next night. So I was rather surprised when he called, but I still thought that it was just part of some big joke to make fun of me, I mean, I had seen "She's all that" heh. We talked for a little while, but I couldn't handle it, so I asked him for his number (I thought it was the nice thing to do since I was cutting the convo short), and said that I had to go, but that I would call him sometime. The next friday we went to the basketball game.
Heh, I told Elizabeth about Derek all the time, cus she had language arts with me, and we talked then. Then she met Derek the next year and told me how hot this guy was, lmao I had to explain that it was the guy I had liked the previous year. I so started a trend at leb high! lol
Hmmmm I haven't talked to Elizabeth in a while. She made some comment to me in the hall a little while back, but that is it. Hmmmmmm I used to talk to her during lunch, but then I got a fourth period class, and she stopped being friends with Mary.
